I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
