NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
