i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
