Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
