would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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