i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
