Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
