im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
