I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
