I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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