my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
