marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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