I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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