Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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