We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
