your parents love me but you hate me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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