i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
