Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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