You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
