I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
