Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
