I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
