The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
