Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
