Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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