i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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