he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
