Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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