i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We are all done wearing pants today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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