Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so let's talk penis.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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