and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
