if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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