Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
