I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
