Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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