she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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