You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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