i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
