Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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