There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
