Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
two words...techno handjob
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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