If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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