so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I understand Curling. That high.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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