sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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