You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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