I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
