I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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