So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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