If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
nutella sex= disaster
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
