I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
